Escape

Of late everything looks like mechanism to survive.

I feel like going on a sabbatical to figure out what life is. Was the grandiose I always associated with it exists actually? A lot has been said about human life, how we are different from other lower forms of animals. I wonder why we say all this. We also eat, shit, sleep and breed. How are we different? Now, don’t give me that crap about human brain size. We have just used our brain to breed more and create another level of speciation within human species; rich –poor, male-female, literate-illiterate, modern –traditional; the list goes on. Sometime I feel there is a nerve which goes straight from the brains to genital and all attempts have been to prove Malthus wrong.  The only quest which Homo sapiens seems to have is to find out how to breed and feed more each day to support our ‘mankind’?

It’s all machinations of culture which teach us wrong things. We spend quarter of life to learn to fit ourselves in the system. If lucky enough, we get enlightenment and opportunity to unlearn what we have learnt. How much time that leaves us with to live actually? By the time I figure out what life means to me, I am on deathbed. All wisdom flows only during the penultimate days. I wonder if Buddha ever lived. After he saw the travails of senescence and began the quest for life, what his life meant? Did he live? Could he love? What was beyond realizations?

Ever wondered how much pain it causes initially to unlearn even one thing which your upbringing has taught you. I remember my initial years away from way. How difficult it was to change my eating habits, speak to new people, and avoid comforting things and sleeping patterns. It took me years to unlearn these and learn the new ones. This cycle of unlearning and learning is continuing and I wonder what I am doing. In this whiling away of time, am I living?

I want to go away. I want to taste 'LIFE' once.