There was this sudden disturbance for which I could not find out a reason. After conversations with people who were going through the similar phaseI realized that I have also been hit by 'quarter life crisis'. It started around 25 and became quite unbearable . I read alot on the subject. The best thing I came to know about it is that it helps you to build a strong foundation for your life if you sail through it succesfully and you are least likely to experience mid-life crisis. I just thought of sharing some adaptation tricks I have devised. They still need some more time to yield results but the effort is making me positive each day.
1. I never wanted to work in such office.
After slogging for years and taking huge loans for the studies, you finally land up with your 'dream job'. You did lot of reasearch in your initial years, fought with your parents to do what you really wanted to do and here you are questioning the relevance of it at this point of time. It's a dream come true yet deep down you ask yourself, 'Is this what I really wanted?'
It's ok. Finally you are here. Stop looking into the past and thinking what you could have done instead. Set some short term goals in your work life. You may not have an idea what you want to do ten years down the line in life but you might have answers like I want to smile genuinely more often when I am in a meeting, speak from the bottom of my heart on the subject or be more engrossed in what I do. Build up on these. It helps. Rememebr 'Rome was not built in a day'.
Don't think of quitting the job. There must be something good about it that you chose it at the first place. Please don't overstretch your working hours. It does not help anyone. Go home. Spend time doing something which you really love.
2. Where is my love?
It hurts I know. You are on the wrong side of 20s and you do not know where your soul mate is. You were always the kind of person who wanted to live all phases of life with that one person.You found that person also but the person found his/her soulmate in someone else. Bollywood sets wrong expectations. True unconditional effortless love exists but for the lucky few. Make peace with it. Try being with people who you think understand you and appreciate you for little things. There is nothing good as healthy flirting but beware of those obnoxious flirts who make you feel choked. No negatives please! You don't have to chase that someone who is just not intersted in you. You are making yourself pathetic by chasing them. Every lock has a key or may be your key is lost in the universe. In that case, you might end up being single forever. It's not a big deal. Give a whack to people who pity you for being single. Love yourself all the more when you feel dejected and lonely and how do you love yourself? Eat well, work on your fitness level, develop a style of your own which may not be the latest fashion but you are very comfortable in it, cook for yourself during weekends, have a cup of coffee and long conversations with people who you enjoy with. You need people for reflection and not necessarily affection. You deserve love. Rememeber ,'Beloved is within'. One best thing about it is the more you love yourself, the more the universe would love you. Sounds preachy. It works.
3. Friends; they have changed
You thought your college friends are your forever friends. You try talking to them and they don't understand what you are talking about. They have differnt lives. You cease to be siamese twins. Life has moved on. Your directions have changed. It does not mean they don't love you. Cherish the time you have spent together. Keep your expectations low. Drop an email or make a call on birthdays and remember the good old days. Relate to them; that's what friends are for. Feel lucky to have spent some good time with them. They have a contribution in shaping up your identity. Forgive them if they are not able to be the way they were once.
3. Parents; can't they leave me alone?
They irritate you. They want you to settle down and if you are a girl, life is hell. I know. Talk to your parents. Tell them you are clearing some mess in your life and you need their support on this. Don't experss your anger infront of them. Never argue. Stiop blaming them. They are living their lives and as a child you are an integral part of their lives. Be thankful to them. Take them out for a shopping/movie. Sit with them and talk to them on general subjects. (their health, realatives or may be see the old albums). Learn new recipes from your mother. Try speaking to your grandparents more often, if you are lucky to have them till now. Listen to those piece of advice. Believe me it's a treasure. Since, I have lost my grandfather recently, I still regret not spending lot of time with him which I could have.
4. Siblings; where did they come from?
So your siblings are very differnt from you in everything now and you don't like to speak to them often. You earn more than them and hang around with differnt kind of people altogether. It happens. You can keep the differnces aside and talk on the common things. Take out the younger ones for shopping. Play those childhood games once in a while to refresh your bondings. Plan a surprise for your parents together. Remember, they are the first friends god gifted you. This treasure can never be replaced.
5. Listening to that godfather's advice?
We all find some people really impressive and look forward to have an identity similar to them. We start believing in everything they say but do you realize what damage this person is unkowingly capable of inflicting on you. You change the trajectory of life. You live it their way and not your way. Beware of this. Apply your head. Your life's aim is not success in a conventional way, it's something very personal. Listen to people but you don't need to follow everything they say. What all matters is a drop of sweat after hard work and that million dollar smile you crave for. You get it in your own way and may be not their way. For you, it could be just a running session in the morning or dancing incessantly till morning, for them it could be solving complex sudoku for hours. Get rid of godfather.
We all find some people really impressive and look forward to have an identity similar to them. We start believing in everything they say but do you realize what damage this person is unkowingly capable of inflicting on you. You change the trajectory of life. You live it their way and not your way. Beware of this. Apply your head. Your life's aim is not success in a conventional way, it's something very personal. Listen to people but you don't need to follow everything they say. What all matters is a drop of sweat after hard work and that million dollar smile you crave for. You get it in your own way and may be not their way. For you, it could be just a running session in the morning or dancing incessantly till morning, for them it could be solving complex sudoku for hours. Get rid of godfather.
Oflate I am trying these and it is making me really happy. I would continue adding to the list. I am sure I would sail through like I have always. Happy sailing to you too.
