Lighthouses and icebergs

There are so many lighthouses in my life. Especially with a decade alone in this city, there are moments when I feel like a sinking ship in the dark. These are the days when I have not done much work. Interestingly not working causes more stress to me than being busy throughout the day . I make sure that I am running, exercising or socializing so that my body and mind gets tired when I go to bed at the end of the day. Now there are days when I am very depressed especially because I have not worked enough. The worst part is I always realize about this depression during bed time and it causes unbearable insomnia. Anyways,  this one is about how I tackle these depressed states. So as I told earlier about me being a directionless ship during these days sailing in the dark. Now, I have lighthouses in my life. So my friend ‘A’ is a really nice girl. Even if she is bogged down in life, she would always smile and tell me,’ Be Positive’J. I love her persistence to be positive. Even though it does not seem to cause much incremental progress in positivity in her life, I often sympathize and become positive.  Lighthouse B is different case altogether. He appears as a chronic depressed but I like him. He talks about the concept of positive neutrality which means you should neither be positive nor negative. Accept that life is gross and its sole purpose is not always hedonic fun. I like the concept. It does not help in being positive but then I tell myself life is gross. It could have been worse. It does help me in some ways. J Now coming to my favorite lighthouse C.  C lits up my face like none does. He is someone who just needs to look at you once to cheer you up. I don’t understand what he talks but then his face has so much glow. He is less intelligent but what I love is that he knows he is less intelligent. With him life seems to be the best things that ever happened to me. It appears to me that all I want is this sort of dumbness when life gets dry and overloaded with intellect. You see there is wisdom in dumbness too. J

About icebergs I’ll talk later. Off to bed now!

Escape

Of late everything looks like mechanism to survive.

I feel like going on a sabbatical to figure out what life is. Was the grandiose I always associated with it exists actually? A lot has been said about human life, how we are different from other lower forms of animals. I wonder why we say all this. We also eat, shit, sleep and breed. How are we different? Now, don’t give me that crap about human brain size. We have just used our brain to breed more and create another level of speciation within human species; rich –poor, male-female, literate-illiterate, modern –traditional; the list goes on. Sometime I feel there is a nerve which goes straight from the brains to genital and all attempts have been to prove Malthus wrong.  The only quest which Homo sapiens seems to have is to find out how to breed and feed more each day to support our ‘mankind’?

It’s all machinations of culture which teach us wrong things. We spend quarter of life to learn to fit ourselves in the system. If lucky enough, we get enlightenment and opportunity to unlearn what we have learnt. How much time that leaves us with to live actually? By the time I figure out what life means to me, I am on deathbed. All wisdom flows only during the penultimate days. I wonder if Buddha ever lived. After he saw the travails of senescence and began the quest for life, what his life meant? Did he live? Could he love? What was beyond realizations?

Ever wondered how much pain it causes initially to unlearn even one thing which your upbringing has taught you. I remember my initial years away from way. How difficult it was to change my eating habits, speak to new people, and avoid comforting things and sleeping patterns. It took me years to unlearn these and learn the new ones. This cycle of unlearning and learning is continuing and I wonder what I am doing. In this whiling away of time, am I living?

I want to go away. I want to taste 'LIFE' once.

What kind of people you should avoid talking to?

What kind of people you should avoid talking to?

1.       The forever negative ones: Being ever positive, you are bound to get attracted to those ever negative ones. Their pull is as strong as gravitational pull and believe me it’s hard to escape. At first instance you would feel this urge to understand them, and that’s where you get trapped in mindless and endless discussions. I feel that being positive requires effort and once you have reached the level, just ignore any downfall. Respect your efforts.

2.       The ‘intellectuals’: You name a book and they have read it. After reading all the possible literature available on the planet, they have unlearnt their worldly ways. There are men who would blog and brag about women’s safety but would conveniently ask their female friends to manage themselves at odd hours after a late evening party. Well, you are a ‘feminist’ and a strong woman; you could have figured it out yourself. Feminism always comes in a way of chivalry.  Also, I know some ‘feminists’ who had their glory during college years while making grand speeches. The years after college, I see them as absolute ‘normal’ women producing fat babies, depending absolutely on their husbands and in many cases dragging relationships in which they are unhappy. They say they were naïve back then. They still read a lot because they have to transfer their ‘feminism’ to their kids.

3.       The convenience lovers: We all love convenience but there are times when we don’t mind travelling extra miles for loved ones. Well, this category would always prioritize and since you would not be making their life any convenient, you would be the last priority always. Ranking in the priority list is directly proportional to the convenience.  Just chuck them out!

4.       The ambitious ones:  Now this is the category between 25-30. They still have unfinished tasks from their earlier 20s and they would be forever busy in achieving them. You mention about work-life balance and they would hang you because work is worship and dare you talk about chilling around and having a life.

5.       The self –obsessed: They would start with ‘I believe’, ‘I think’ and ‘according to me’. You keep waiting that your chance to talk would come once. You actually get it but then you see yourself talking about them. Such is a power of ‘I’. It’s painful to be with such people. Plain ignore.

I deal with all these kinds on daily basis so I know what it means. The worse is that they don’t realize that how intolerable they are and what a favor people do by even showing faces to these losers. Anyways, back to work!! It’s work-life-love-hate balance after all.