In retrospect, the second half year
of 2013 has been the one of the most luxurious and decadent life, I have lived.
For an otherwise ascetic person with tremendous control, such splurge and
lavishness came as a pleasant surprise to me. It was pleasant because of tremendous
joy I experienced but decadent for reminding me of the ‘dark ages’ from the European
history classes from school.
The history of such sudden change dates to an
year back when I had a sudden heart ache. My mind decided to take control. So
it decided to follow 3 NJs: no junk food, no junk thoughts, and no junk
clothes. The three NJs came as a sudden
rescue for my sixty inches structure weighing 154 pounds. That structure would
refuse to budge without thirteen hours of sleep. Excessive running was the enabling strategy to
achieve ‘no junk thought’. With these NJs, I scribbled some goals in my diary.
The indefatigable ascetic worked every minute to achieve them. The end of year
showed a positive trajectory to all the goals.
In the midst of 2013, the
weighing machine whispered once, ‘116.6 pounds.’ Adding to it, my friends told
me, ‘Are you in love? You are so chirpy all the time.’
There was no looking back then. The
tickets to Paris were booked; to wine and dine. Samosas and rasmalais
were back. The ascetism evaporated in a second. Such was a power of weighing
machine’s whisper. So July to October was making up for the tremendous loss in
the past year. Samosas, Golgappas,
Tikkis, Gaajar ka halwa, rasmallai, paranthas and in Europe; blue wine, pink wine, red wine, white wine,
home made wine and of course cheese. November meant weddings, so more eating and
shopping. From Chandani Chowk to T - Nagar, my footprints prints seen in
every shop. You name it and I have it; Blue, red, green, turquoise, black and
gold. That ephemeral moment of dressing
up for two hours everyday and changing make-ups, that defined November. End of November; it was time to speak to the
enlightened master; the weighing machine. She whispered, ‘135 pounds’. My heart was cold and again the same ache.
The asceticism condensed; ascetic was back for rescue.
Ascetic decided to pay for the
entire splurge. The first payment came in the form of first half marathon. The shooting pain reminded that what life
worth is of if not this pain. This was also the time to empty the wardrobe; donations
and more donations. This also meant no
shopping in the sale season. That was the toughest punishment so far but I
successfully lived it. Even after all
this, there was a burdening guilt. I did not know where it was coming from.
Even weighing machine was silent this time.
Now it was the time for dermatologist to talk, ‘excessive stress, lack
of sleep, grey hair, and hair fall’. I decided to speak to ascetic and he said,
‘Give life a chance, get surprises, stop planning, Stay in zero, observe faith’.
I was sitting in the Golden Temple
in Amritsar. Like a curious child with my goal diary, I asked trillion
questions to ascetic, all he said. 'Shhhhh!’ To the same curiosity, Hermen
Hesse answered me in the speeding train,
What could I say to you that would be of value,
except that perhaps you seek too much, that as a result of your seeking you
cannot find.
Amritsar,
you answered all the questions in once.
