Soliloquy

I am healing, I am not growing. I am perfectly fine. You cannot grow until you have retained your original self. I dipped to negative, I thought I was growing but I was slipping into nadir sooner than soon. It scared me. Those lonely dark nights when all I did was staring at the stars, the gaze becoming hazier due to waterfalls in the eye. The salty liquid kissing my lips and touching my tongue. It was all so real. The ‘renaissance’ man did that to me. I forgot my benchmarks; I started living a life of hallucination. Simple things stopped mattering to me. Nothing seemed important but chase. After all when you run, then only you feel the pleasure. Then only you lose yourself. Chase and you become synonymous. But here I am tonight. I bruised myself running so much so that I can’t run anymore. I disappointed Renaissance man. I thought I will be healed but then chase will suffer if anyone waited for me to get healed. I now here in the dirt, the mud; believe it as my reality. The cold mud soothes me. I take deep breaths. I can’t run further. I am enjoying this dirt. It comforts me. I can still see the Renaissance man running as fast he could. He looked back at me. That one gaze infused a gush of energy. I tried gaining inertia again but I fell and mud is soothing me. This healing seems eternal.