Helter skelter

Have you ever realized we all are patients? Sometimes I just become stationery and see the world moving around me. People running helter –skelter in all the possible directions to find out what are they here for. Investment bankers seeing those figures going higher up, researchers just thinking how to publish more and more papers, a man I met in the hinterland working hard each day so that his son lives a better life, my best friend burning midnight oil so that she becomes an Indian beaurcrat. It seems everyone wants to run faster than yesterday. I am a slow learner. I would always come last in the hundred meter relay races where I was supposed to beat others. I never got this logic of beating up quite clearly. Also my dear daddy would ask me to chill around all the time. So we never did anything of those sorts. I still get confused when someone asks me to abide by deadlines. How can I ever produce a masterpiece if it has to meet a deadline? I would be producing an average work and if that is what is required, ask an average person. Why me? I understand that the world does not run my way. May be I am just an atom in this whole set of arrangement. Like those atoms arranged in a fashion to for diamond. If they would have been arranged differently, they would form a coal; the same carbon atoms. In chemistry exams, I would never answer it this way. The idea of getting higher marks and becoming center of attraction scared me. May be as an atom I am not supposed to know about this purpose or may be just incapable of understanding the enormity of universal existence. Just may be, I am thinking aloud. I know after finishing this post, I would also start running directionless. That is what I do when I am out of this stationery phase. I don't have many choices.

Men's Right

So I thought it was women only who were tethered to their homes and if not, a GPS would sure be installed on them by their parents to know the exact latitude and longitude. I think I am turning into a radical feminist each day. It’s been twelve years I have left home and since then my ideae  of absolute freedom are growing exponentially without any cultural influence. I live a life bounded only by time and space. When I see a lot of females of my age-group being answerable to their parents, boyfriends and partners for every little thing, I feel this pain in my heart. I wonder why they are not sure of what they do. Why do they take permission before living? Why are they not feminists? 

But, is this the story of females only. I am surprised to find out that it is not. I have male friends who are not allowed to go for night out parties because their parents think that it is unsafe to roam around in the city. The other day I was with a guy friend in a car chi chatting usual stuff. His parents called up four times in twenty minutes to ask where he was. It was 10.00 pm at night. He looked terrified every time his phone rang. I had to calm him down. I looked at my phone. The battery had gone off and it was switched off. I also realized that I need to go back home because after a tired day in office, my father and I love to chat on phone for five minutes daily. This has been our routine for twelve years now. Not for a second, I thought that there is anybody in the world who could hound me like this. He is twenty six now yet he is not free. My heart was full of pity.

I wonder what creates this psyche of owning people. Why are relationships based on fear of losing? Why do we want to put people in lockers? I thought that the only shit which comes to the world is by patriarchy but matriarchy is equally suffocating. The other day my friend told me about his landlady who confiscates the phone of his twenty five year old son at 9.30 pm sharp so that he does not talk to his girlfriend. She is scared to share her love. Insecurity broods because of various reasons. In this case it is lack of career and shunning by husband. One has to exercise control over something but the only problem is that most people don’t understand that it is to be on ‘self’ and none.

Sometimes I feel hesitant to ask my guy friends out for dinner or late night parties. I don’t want mums, sisters and partners to interrogate him for hours about where he has been and who is the ‘mer-maid’ he is hanging around with of late. For the same reason, I am scared to fall in love with them also. I don't want any sort of extended control on my life. 

Feeling empowered enough, I feel it's the time to work for men's empowerment for the gentlemen who are my fabulous friends.