Now in the wrong side of 20s, I often ponder
on what best and worse I did with my life in these years. I guess I am exiting
my mid life crisis phase with some strong foundations and realizations to build
up on. Some regrets, great lessons and strong realizations.
Regrets L
1. I still think I would have been a very good weight lifter and a runner if I have started earlier. Well, what was I doing back then? At 16, I was juggling between my medical coaching classes and school syllabus. I did not become a doctor for which I have no regret but I wasted so much tried hard to become one, that’s the biggest regret. I could have spend my time doing something I really likes; cycling, running and weight lifting, probably.
2.
I wanted to study law and policy. Instead I
studied life sciences. Anything remotely related to humanities was not
considered respectable enough to be studied in the small town I grew up in,
especially for the brighter lot and toppers. It was only after a while I
realized that scoring is not giving me any happiness. Thankfully, somehow I managed to become a
policy analyst by making my way but then I struggled. It would have been easier
if only I would have studied these subjects at the bachelor’s level.
3.
I could have befriended some people who I really
wanted to befriend. Most of the times I was so much in awe with their aura that
I was hesitant to talk to them. I had a crush on a boy in school who I could
never say anything only because I thought he is too good for me. The myth broke
after some years when he proposed to me. Till this time, I stayed in the illusion that
he is the reincarnation of some Greek god carved for me. I still regret not
telling him on time. I could have saved so much time (his and mine) by moving
on earlier.
4.
I could have been nicer to some people. I always
expressed my hatred and dislike in absolute blunt way. In the process I have
been very harsh to some people. I now realize that they are good people and I
have hurt them just because I did not agree to them. I was a difficult teenager, who was always
ready with flurry of questions. I looked down upon people just because they
could not answer my questions. They all remember me as a rudest person alive on
this planet. L .Sometimes it’s important to overlook
the differences and focus on similarities.
5.
I could have spent some more time with my
grandparents. They were special; someone with divine powers. My roots came from
them. That level of connectivity, I don’t feel with anyone but then I have lost
them. Those unfinished conversations, those gifts which I always wanted to buy
for them and those travel plans which we often discussed on phones; it all
hurts terribly when I know I don’t have them anymore. This is probably the
biggest regret of my life.
6.
I should have worn whatever I felt like wearing
at 22. I always used to think I am too fat to wear my favorite dresses. Well, I
realize I am fatter now but the craving to wear those clothes is still alive. J
The best things I have done till now:
1.
I fell in love deeply, passionately and madly. I
lived all the quotes which people write about selfless love. I experimented
with all of them and I am proud to say that with tremendous amount of pain you
endure in selfless love, the better person you become. You would love yourself
for doing do it. It brings peace after initial upheavals. Your character is strengthened.
2.
I read a lot. I am so proud of becoming a
voracious reader in these years. I feel proud of that fact that I have bunked
all the useless lab work to do what I really liked doing; reading. I became
courageous to the extent of flunking in some subjects but then it did not deter
me from doing what I liked doing. J
3.
I started working on my fitness. With the BMI
levels going up, I could no longer take my physical self for granted. I feel
proud to have a stamina where I can work out for non-stop hours. With new pain
you discover a new physical self, a territory which was hidden from you. You
just invade a part of your body each day. Feels like a conquistador!
4.
I have a great collection of Indian ethnic wear.
J As a tomboy, I would
just be in my jeans and t-shirts all the time. The hassle of putting something
nicer but inconvenient never made any sense to me. I have realized that being
feminine is so beautiful. It is a special gift and need not be taken for
granted. I try to dress up the perfect Indian way whenever I find the time and occasion
to do so.
5.
I learnt to respect differences. I have encountered
some of the most unpleasant personalities in these years. They were not bad
people though; somehow they always had something good to offer. They were harsh.
I call them ‘renaissance’ men/women. Often they took my politeness as meekness.
It did not matter to me much. I realize that sticking to uncomfortable people
till the time you feel its worth is good. J
6.
I travelled a lot and I am still continuing. I
think travelling to unexplored territories helps in stretching your own
personal dimension. It happened when I visited ghost town of Dhanushkodi in the southernmost tip of the
country. Also sleeping in two sleeping bags in shepherd’s house at an altitude
of 5000 m in Ladakh was something
which makes me appreciate the privileges of my life all the more. The feeling that I came back alive after these
experiences was great.
