What kind of people you should avoid talking to?

What kind of people you should avoid talking to?

1.       The forever negative ones: Being ever positive, you are bound to get attracted to those ever negative ones. Their pull is as strong as gravitational pull and believe me it’s hard to escape. At first instance you would feel this urge to understand them, and that’s where you get trapped in mindless and endless discussions. I feel that being positive requires effort and once you have reached the level, just ignore any downfall. Respect your efforts.

2.       The ‘intellectuals’: You name a book and they have read it. After reading all the possible literature available on the planet, they have unlearnt their worldly ways. There are men who would blog and brag about women’s safety but would conveniently ask their female friends to manage themselves at odd hours after a late evening party. Well, you are a ‘feminist’ and a strong woman; you could have figured it out yourself. Feminism always comes in a way of chivalry.  Also, I know some ‘feminists’ who had their glory during college years while making grand speeches. The years after college, I see them as absolute ‘normal’ women producing fat babies, depending absolutely on their husbands and in many cases dragging relationships in which they are unhappy. They say they were naïve back then. They still read a lot because they have to transfer their ‘feminism’ to their kids.

3.       The convenience lovers: We all love convenience but there are times when we don’t mind travelling extra miles for loved ones. Well, this category would always prioritize and since you would not be making their life any convenient, you would be the last priority always. Ranking in the priority list is directly proportional to the convenience.  Just chuck them out!

4.       The ambitious ones:  Now this is the category between 25-30. They still have unfinished tasks from their earlier 20s and they would be forever busy in achieving them. You mention about work-life balance and they would hang you because work is worship and dare you talk about chilling around and having a life.

5.       The self –obsessed: They would start with ‘I believe’, ‘I think’ and ‘according to me’. You keep waiting that your chance to talk would come once. You actually get it but then you see yourself talking about them. Such is a power of ‘I’. It’s painful to be with such people. Plain ignore.

I deal with all these kinds on daily basis so I know what it means. The worse is that they don’t realize that how intolerable they are and what a favor people do by even showing faces to these losers. Anyways, back to work!! It’s work-life-love-hate balance after all. 

Exiting Quarter Life Crisis

Now in the wrong side of 20s, I often ponder on what best and worse I did with my life in these years. I guess I am exiting my mid life crisis phase with some strong foundations and realizations to build up on. Some regrets, great lessons and strong realizations.

Regrets L

1. I still think I would have been a very good weight lifter and a runner if I have started earlier. Well, what was I doing back then? At 16, I was juggling between my medical coaching classes and school syllabus. I did not become a doctor for which I have no regret but I wasted so much tried hard to become one, that’s the biggest regret. I could have spend my time doing something I really likes; cycling, running and weight lifting, probably.

2.       I wanted to study law and policy. Instead I studied life sciences. Anything remotely related to humanities was not considered respectable enough to be studied in the small town I grew up in, especially for the brighter lot and toppers. It was only after a while I realized that scoring is not giving me any happiness.  Thankfully, somehow I managed to become a policy analyst by making my way but then I struggled. It would have been easier if only I would have studied these subjects at the bachelor’s level.

3.       I could have befriended some people who I really wanted to befriend. Most of the times I was so much in awe with their aura that I was hesitant to talk to them. I had a crush on a boy in school who I could never say anything only because I thought he is too good for me. The myth broke after some years when he proposed to me.  Till this time, I stayed in the illusion that he is the reincarnation of some Greek god carved for me. I still regret not telling him on time. I could have saved so much time (his and mine) by moving on earlier.

4.       I could have been nicer to some people. I always expressed my hatred and dislike in absolute blunt way. In the process I have been very harsh to some people. I now realize that they are good people and I have hurt them just because I did not agree to them.  I was a difficult teenager, who was always ready with flurry of questions. I looked down upon people just because they could not answer my questions. They all remember me as a rudest person alive on this planet.  L .Sometimes it’s important to overlook the differences and focus on similarities.

5.       I could have spent some more time with my grandparents. They were special; someone with divine powers. My roots came from them. That level of connectivity, I don’t feel with anyone but then I have lost them. Those unfinished conversations, those gifts which I always wanted to buy for them and those travel plans which we often discussed on phones; it all hurts terribly when I know I don’t have them anymore. This is probably the biggest regret of my life.

6.       I should have worn whatever I felt like wearing at 22. I always used to think I am too fat to wear my favorite dresses. Well, I realize I am fatter now but the craving to wear those clothes is still alive. J

The best things I have done till now:

1.       I fell in love deeply, passionately and madly. I lived all the quotes which people write about selfless love. I experimented with all of them and I am proud to say that with tremendous amount of pain you endure in selfless love, the better person you become. You would love yourself for doing do it. It brings peace after initial upheavals. Your character is strengthened.

2.       I read a lot. I am so proud of becoming a voracious reader in these years. I feel proud of that fact that I have bunked all the useless lab work to do what I really liked doing; reading. I became courageous to the extent of flunking in some subjects but then it did not deter me from doing what I liked doing. J

3.       I started working on my fitness. With the BMI levels going up, I could no longer take my physical self for granted. I feel proud to have a stamina where I can work out for non-stop hours. With new pain you discover a new physical self, a territory which was hidden from you. You just invade a part of your body each day. Feels like a conquistador!

4.       I have a great collection of Indian ethnic wear. J As a tomboy, I would just be in my jeans and t-shirts all the time. The hassle of putting something nicer but inconvenient never made any sense to me. I have realized that being feminine is so beautiful. It is a special gift and need not be taken for granted. I try to dress up the perfect Indian way whenever I find the time and occasion to do so.

5.       I learnt to respect differences. I have encountered some of the most unpleasant personalities in these years. They were not bad people though; somehow they always had something good to offer. They were harsh. I call them ‘renaissance’ men/women. Often they took my politeness as meekness. It did not matter to me much. I realize that sticking to uncomfortable people till the time you feel its worth is good.  J

6.       I travelled a lot and I am still continuing. I think travelling to unexplored territories helps in stretching your own personal dimension. It happened when I visited ghost town of Dhanushkodi in the southernmost tip of the country. Also sleeping in two sleeping bags in shepherd’s house at an altitude of 5000 m in Ladakh was something which makes me appreciate the privileges of my life all the more.  The feeling that I came back alive after these experiences was great.

Helter skelter

Have you ever realized we all are patients? Sometimes I just become stationery and see the world moving around me. People running helter –skelter in all the possible directions to find out what are they here for. Investment bankers seeing those figures going higher up, researchers just thinking how to publish more and more papers, a man I met in the hinterland working hard each day so that his son lives a better life, my best friend burning midnight oil so that she becomes an Indian beaurcrat. It seems everyone wants to run faster than yesterday. I am a slow learner. I would always come last in the hundred meter relay races where I was supposed to beat others. I never got this logic of beating up quite clearly. Also my dear daddy would ask me to chill around all the time. So we never did anything of those sorts. I still get confused when someone asks me to abide by deadlines. How can I ever produce a masterpiece if it has to meet a deadline? I would be producing an average work and if that is what is required, ask an average person. Why me? I understand that the world does not run my way. May be I am just an atom in this whole set of arrangement. Like those atoms arranged in a fashion to for diamond. If they would have been arranged differently, they would form a coal; the same carbon atoms. In chemistry exams, I would never answer it this way. The idea of getting higher marks and becoming center of attraction scared me. May be as an atom I am not supposed to know about this purpose or may be just incapable of understanding the enormity of universal existence. Just may be, I am thinking aloud. I know after finishing this post, I would also start running directionless. That is what I do when I am out of this stationery phase. I don't have many choices.

Men's Right

So I thought it was women only who were tethered to their homes and if not, a GPS would sure be installed on them by their parents to know the exact latitude and longitude. I think I am turning into a radical feminist each day. It’s been twelve years I have left home and since then my ideae  of absolute freedom are growing exponentially without any cultural influence. I live a life bounded only by time and space. When I see a lot of females of my age-group being answerable to their parents, boyfriends and partners for every little thing, I feel this pain in my heart. I wonder why they are not sure of what they do. Why do they take permission before living? Why are they not feminists? 

But, is this the story of females only. I am surprised to find out that it is not. I have male friends who are not allowed to go for night out parties because their parents think that it is unsafe to roam around in the city. The other day I was with a guy friend in a car chi chatting usual stuff. His parents called up four times in twenty minutes to ask where he was. It was 10.00 pm at night. He looked terrified every time his phone rang. I had to calm him down. I looked at my phone. The battery had gone off and it was switched off. I also realized that I need to go back home because after a tired day in office, my father and I love to chat on phone for five minutes daily. This has been our routine for twelve years now. Not for a second, I thought that there is anybody in the world who could hound me like this. He is twenty six now yet he is not free. My heart was full of pity.

I wonder what creates this psyche of owning people. Why are relationships based on fear of losing? Why do we want to put people in lockers? I thought that the only shit which comes to the world is by patriarchy but matriarchy is equally suffocating. The other day my friend told me about his landlady who confiscates the phone of his twenty five year old son at 9.30 pm sharp so that he does not talk to his girlfriend. She is scared to share her love. Insecurity broods because of various reasons. In this case it is lack of career and shunning by husband. One has to exercise control over something but the only problem is that most people don’t understand that it is to be on ‘self’ and none.

Sometimes I feel hesitant to ask my guy friends out for dinner or late night parties. I don’t want mums, sisters and partners to interrogate him for hours about where he has been and who is the ‘mer-maid’ he is hanging around with of late. For the same reason, I am scared to fall in love with them also. I don't want any sort of extended control on my life. 

Feeling empowered enough, I feel it's the time to work for men's empowerment for the gentlemen who are my fabulous friends. 

Golden Nostalgia

She would just type two lines and delete, the activity oscillating for two continuous hours with just the names of recipients changing every time. The number of names from the best friends in school to college. All she wanted was to share, in all its objectivity and straightforwardness of the gory details of kind of emotional upheavals she goes through, every single second. The minute she gets up, the minutes she does all the household chores, and the minutes she tries hard to sleep. Nothing comforts. She has to live two lives, one normal for others and one genuine for herself. She has not been torn into two halves yet. Many a times it just feels that her life has lost the elasticity to come back and integrate the two identities.

As she saw his grey white hair, she looked herself into the mirror. She looked beautiful not in the conventional sense but those specific details she remembers. ‘Your eyes talk a lot. Let’s talk without talking’. She smiled at herself. Back from the hindsight, she started doing household chores. That’s how she would relive those golden moments. Sia quickly gave him a glass of water. He was tired. Married for grand old twenty five years, her life seemed to have everything. She could adjust to all what life offered. The only disturbance was that banging in the inner head. She remembered how she made the tough choice between shutting up the world and shutting up her inner self. At twenty nine, shutting up herself seemed lot easier. She had already burnt her hands so many times and she did not have any time to calm down her scared mind and let it bang her with questions again. With all her fury, she asked it to shut up and went ahead with the decision to marry Sarvin. She did not know him from before. Her friends told her that things would probably fall in place. Afterall she has grown too old to cling to ideas like soul mates. Her parents were growing old and she could not see those additional wrinkles coming up on their forehead. She loved Rashid but did not love him enough to see a soul mate. She married Sarvin.

Now when she sleeps next to Sarvin, she turns her back towards him and again slips into the hindsight,’ Let’s talk. Your eyes only please’. Rashid said. She smiled and wondered what if she had a time machine. 

Ruins

How irritating it was to see 'her' doing things so tirelessly throughout the day. Rajesh would howl,' where do you keep my office files? They just decide to vanish when your magical hands touch them'. 'She' would decide to overlook it and try to make Sia eat her breakfast, another round of rude attacks would follow. ' why are you after my life? Don't you have anything else to do in life'.  Souvik would be polite,' Mommy dear, I cannot eat this food. You know my instructor has asked me to eat in olive oil and not in refined oil'. 'She' would pack the food and give it to the maid.

At 28 as Sia saw the old albums and found beautiful picture of 'her'. she could make out whose reflection she was. She saw one of those pictures of her fourth birthday in which she could see a slightly bulged abdomen. She was expecting Souvik that time; yet called all the kids for birthday celebrations.

Coming back from the hindsight, as Sia saw the frail fifty two year old gait, her heart was filled with remorse. Within the wrinkles, she was trying to find that beautiful face of the old album. She looked herself into the mirror hoping to see her mother. Sia was nowhere close to that. There could have been various faces between what Sia was and what was there in that old album. Each line telling the story of the debt Sia took from her mother and was unable to return in these years.

As she boarded the flight, the sight refused to go off her mind. She would remember how things changed for her. How she switched from visiting home from ten days in a month to ten days in an year. Life changed. How she would gave an extempore on self dependence and freedom and like a coward could not give away her own dependedce on those 'pillars' of her life. Probably she thought they would stay there forever and in the meanwhile she could experiment with life.

Now when she sees the pillars weakening, she misses focussing on the nuances of life. She wishes if she could have seen the mico and not macro. She wished she could have learnt 'mathematics' from her mathematician father.

Ten reasons why I love my female friends

1. They make me feel like human beings and I don’t have to care if my cleavage is showing up or my shorts are too short. They would look at it with sense of appreciation and there is no constant warning bell within the heart.
2. They would care about the little things which matter like you need to put one more coating on your nail paint. Grow your nails and then put that off red color which matches so well with your new sweater.
3.  I can do that wild and mad dancing with them. I don’t have to bother if I am looking pretty, sexy and extra nice. I can shed those feminine discomforts for a while.
4. We understand that we are PMSing and would not entertain nonsense but give nonsense.
5. The bitching session about men would be never ending with examples from diverse experiences and we could do it so well that we can actually write a research paper on Man’s Psychology when it comes to dating woman.  They all are feminist when there is no man around. Some of them would bash men the way none could have imagined them to do. The others are just so mesmerized by their identity that for them men would be just a means to reach their better selves.
6. During those cathartic moments after boozing, I can hold them tight and remain in the present moment without fearing ,'oh! I don’t want a relationship.' They would not remind me the next morning that what all I said and why don’t I stand by them today.
7. Shopping is something I can do only with them. Those long incessant hours of roaming and hopping from one place to another. Where else I would get all the patience and love for details? That red which we looked for those four hours on Sunday and came back empty handed.  It’s expensive but let’s just try it out; it’s not in the budget, so what you might not get this piece again.
8. We would lie to each other and would understand why we are doing that. We won’t cut each other’s heart to understand that why? We would be jealous of each other yet it won’t stop us from loving each other. We would understand and forgive.
9. That extra protection and set of instructions when you start hanging around with a new guy is something which only your female friends can give and it’s priceless. 
10. They set the expectations right. I know they would not die for me and they have zillion things to do in their lives other than focusing on me. I know that they might change drastically when they find the right man in their lives but till then they would create that healthy emotional ecosystem around me. They give me strength to move on in life and not the dependence to hang around with till I die.