.!?

That loud laugh, that meek servitude, that lazy yawn, those dark black eyes, that intelligent comment, that condescending look...all the shades I see around. None is mine. I see more, look outwards to see mine...It reminds me of my recnt trip to a biodiversity park where I did bird watching. Black, red, grey, orange, white, big, tiny,...and then identifying them in my handy field bird guide. Its little differnt here. I know what I see outside but there is none to identify inside or is there none inside!!

Which one is my absolute moment? The one in the morning, that feeling of being a winner when the minute hand keeps moving and I refuse to bow down to the pressure of going to work. Five more minutes please..it's a lovely feeling. but then I am a loser when I reach to work late. That guilt comes in and I realise this is not my absolute feeling, ot my absolute moment.

Boozing, it's so much fun. Dance like mad and make few random calls to people and just blabber. It's all so plesant but again in the culprit 'guilt' spoils it all the next morning.

Eating the delecious italian food or perfect the south Indian at one of those favurite outlet at Defence colony, love it and continue lovig it till the time a pouch of flesh can be seen at my waist. The feeling is horrible. I come down again to boiled veggies.It's sad but then the reprecussions in the absence of this action would have led me into depression.

where is my best moment? My absolute moment which will just come. It won't be an absence of something. It would be an absolute presence.

Catharsis

It's one of those days when the molecules of thought have broken all level of mutual binding force and are hitting hard on the skull and hence I return to 'Catharsis'. All those molecules which were so close to each other once when they all actually wanted me to head towards one direction. They were my captives. What a bliss it had been; an absolute bliss in captivity.

I wonder why did I ever tried to insert something external to break the harmony. The one drop of it had no effect. It was gradual, very gradual. I have been checking the pace at regular intervals. The mutual force has broken in steps. I still remember. That intellectually stimulating conversation at one of those coffee shops. Those questions which I had never asked to myself.I thought it's just one of those conversations but I am not me anymore. It has hit hard. The 'me' has again dissolved.The search has again begin. I am empty now See you staring with a smile up in the sky.You did that again to me. I welcome the angel.

Camouflage...

''Camouflage'' the natural defence mechanism by which an organism ensure its survival from the predator by hiding itself in the natural surroundings similar to its physical experience.

The scientific terminology, I first learnt as a fifteen year old kid. With my growing accademic degrees in the natural sciences, the word camouflage broadened its horizon in my mind. Various examples of it, a weaker prey like butterfly or squirell use the cryptic mechanism to save itself from predators. Even the predator like'tiger'uses camouflage to (hide in the bushes matching its skin colour)hidefrom the preys and attack them more efficiently. Killing or preventing oneself from getting killed, 'Camouflage' makes survival possible. None is exception.

The other day, I was pondering over the camouflage in humans. Homo sapiens, the one known for its sapience. what relevance does camouflage has on the survival of my species? The significance of physical camouflage is probably does not hold much relevance in the 'civilized' society. However, mental camouflage is evident in the behaviour of people. We can often see ourselves camouflaging. Sycophancy is a camouflage. To survive in an organization, a less knowledgeble person A is equivalent to a butterfly or squirel could be found to impress the higher authority B by constantly aligning his opinion with his B. In this case, the opinion held by B represents the leaf similar to the colour of butterfly. 'Cryptic coloration', that is what it is scietifically called.

Women if analysed carefully show an intersting mental camouflage. Being physically weaker than the men, they need some kind of defence mechanism to protect their integrity. Howsoever true may this statement may be, it seems gross to any civilzed men. Our social values ensures to tone down any mishap occurring becuse of this asymmetery in the genders. Ocassionally, we do hear of representation of physical prowess of men. For e.g. rape. A girl eqivalent to butterfly if spotted in a surrounding in contrast to her mental/physical state is prone to attack by a male. The mental harrasment faced by some of the talented women at work place by the opposite gender is also an example of the similar situation. In contrast, a woman who meets the expected social codes camouflages by geling well with the social structure. Even if she is impolite, she would act to be polite.I have seen one of the impolitest woman switching on to the polite behaviour infront of their in laws/boy friends/husbands. That is the survival mechanism. Thus socity becomes nature in figurative sense. Woman is a butterfly camouflaging is the society.

I don't see camouflage in a positive light. If I am a beautiful butterfly, I would like to be seen by all. Crypsis is unacceptable to me. I am extremely positive about progressive evolution of the human society. My appeal to all the women

Let us defeat camouflage. Show your feathers. Beauty desrves to be spotted and not to be hidden.

To be continued.............

I flowed, turned molten and then froze. I started calling myself structured but how could second law of thermodynamics ever prove wrong. I flowed again, faced, barriers, saw the weeds flowing into me with me. I resisted. I stopped. I turned molten and froze again.

I want enough empty space between you and me. What about dating in a vaccum. Even molecules would be absent and silence would speak for us.

It takes off finally!

It's still not sinking in!